


I've Got Issues

by Booklover1984



Category: Jack Ryan & Related Fandoms, Jack Ryan (TV)
Genre: Blood and Injury, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-08 07:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21472441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booklover1984/pseuds/Booklover1984
Summary: Recently thrust back into civilian life, Katherine Evans thinks she has a pretty good handle on things. Sure the insomnia and PTSD aren't helping and she has to keep it together long enough to convenience her therapist to clear her for duty, but everything is fine. At least that is until one of the members of her old unit ask her to keep an eye on CIA analyst turned national hero Jack Ryan.
Comments: 13
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing and the title comes from the song by the same name by Julia Michaels.

In, Out. In, Out. In, Out. In, Out. The mantra runs through Katherine’s head continuously as her feet hit the pavement and she attempts to breathe through her nose. Jameet had mentioned earlier in the week that breathing through your nose when running was the most effective method, and Katherine is always looking for ways to improve. She comes around the last corner and is now heading towards the Washington Monument. Wisps of dark hair come loose from her ponytail and brush against the side of her face, sticking to her neck. Wiping some of the sweat away, she keeps her brisk pace. Going past the monument she turns so that she’s running parallel to the reflecting pool. 

When she first came to Washington D.C., there were tour groups at the Washington Monument and Lincoln Memorial at all times throughout the day; but now that the weather has turned cool you hardly see anyone in the mornings, especially this early. Upon taking the final step up to the top of the memorial, Katherine walks over to the statue of President Lincoln. Sliding down so she sit against his chair, she leans forward with her head between her knees; taking in a deep breathe through her mouth, then exhaling it. 

Her hands come up and massage her scalp where the elastic band has been holding her hair up all morning. Pulling it out, some of the tension in her scalp bleeds away and she runs her fingers through her sweat-drenched hair in an attempt to make it more presentable. Lifting her head up, she leans back against the statue and looks outward. The sun is slowly starting to rise from behind the monument and it plunges the sky into a light pink-orange color. She sits and watches as the park slowly fills with other civilians making there way to various destinations.

Katherine doesn’t know how much time has passed when she hears him approach. She makes no movement to acknowledgement him; instead keeping her eyes on one of the families that has stopped at the front of the reflection pool. The mother is trying to convince the teenage son and young daughter to come together for a picture while her husband stands off to the side on his phone. 

The boy is ruffling the girl’s hair and she moves from under his arm and swipes at him in retaliation. When Jameet realizes Katherine isn’t going to be the one to start the conversation he takes it on himself, “How are you?” “Fine,” she watches as the mother throws her hands up exasperatedly and gestures to her husband for assistance, “I thought you were out of the country still.” “I was, but something came up.” She looks up at him now and takes him in. 

Katherine always has to look up to see Jameet with his 6-foot 1 frame looming over her 5 foot one, and now he looks even bigger with his whole body towering over her. She pushes herself up so they are standing side by side. The two of them completely contrast one another with Jameet dressed for work and her in athletic wear. 

The navy sweater he’s wearing compliments the beige slacks that have been tailored to fit his athletic build. The trenchcoat he has over the ensemble falls to about his knee in length, his hands tucked into the pockets. If she had to guess he’s playing with the wedding ring on his left hand. He always gets fidgety when he’s nervous and even though no one else would notice, she does. They know each other to well at this point to not notice even the most minuscule of details. 

She knows just like she’s reading him, he’s just as easily reading her. As he takes in her haphazardly finger-combed hair, she switches her weight from her right foot to the left and watches as his eyes quickly glance over her black spandex running pants and the gray athletic pullover she dug out from the bottom of her laundry hamper this morning on her way out the door. “Not sleeping again?” “I could ask you the same thing.” “I’m not the one running at five in the morning due to insomnia.” “Who said anything about insomnia? I’m getting ready for a half-marathon.” The look Jameet gives her says he’s not buying her bullshit and the look she sends back tells him she’s not putting up with him today. “Everything okay?” 

Jameet looks off to the side and Katherine follows his gaze, the family she was watching earlier has been able to get their photo successfully and the parents are following the children to the monument with the little girl skipping off ahead. He looks back at her and moves to descend down the stairs. Katherine waits a moment before trailing after him; once they both get down they fall into step together and walk towards the monument. 

“How familiar are you with an analyst in the CIA named Jack Ryan?” “Served in the Marines until he was forced to leave due to a pretty damning back injury he obtained while in Afghanistan when he came back to civilian life he decided to make a difference by working at the CIA as a financial analyst instead of resuming his career as a stock broker. He’s currently a national icon as a result of stopping Suleiman, saving democracy in Venezuela and exposing a corrupt U.S. Senator. But you already knew all that, so what is this really about?”

They’ve stopping walking and are standing eye-to-eye now, Katherine’s arms crossed over her chest and Jameet holding her gaze. Then he’s looking past her shoulders and glancing over his own before coming back to her. It takes a moment before she realizes he’s doing a parameter sweep, it’s something they all tend to do on instinct, but Jameet’s never done it when he’s just with her. She’s glancing around now, his obvious paranoia beginning to spark her own to life. Seeing only tourists and civilians moving around them, she glances back to him and their eyes meet. 

“I was running an op in Berlin with Kelly and Martinez when we got word that Ryan’s recent actions have gotten the attention of some dangerous individuals. Nothing’s been confirmed yet but we believe he’s being targeted by an organization operating throughout Europe.” “Why?” 

“Apparently they provided President Reyes with half of the funds to operate the Cinco Palmas shell company in exchange for a share in the tantalum that they were able to dig up. Ryan had the best of intentions when he exposed everything, but now we’re looking at another global crisis situation without anyone being aware we’re in danger.” 

“What exactly is it you want me to do here? Go to Langley and ask if he’s seen any new patterns revolving around an extremist group operating out of Europe?” “That’s a good starting point.” “Why me, you could send anyone in for this?” “He’s more likely to let his guard down with you, shared trauma and all that shit.” 

Katherine lets out an incredulous chuckle, shaking her head at him. Turning her back to him she runs her hands over her face, attempting to resist the urge to punch him in the face. Jameet may know the details about what happened in Syria but he’s not the one who has to live with the mistakes that were made there. Once she’s pretty sure she can look at him without loosing it she turns back around.

He’s swiping at his cellphone now and Katherine hear’s her own ping with a new message, “That’s his lecture schedule for the remainder of the year and I’ll have one of the guys send you his full dossier tonight.” “I haven’t agreed to anything yet.” “You will.” “This conversation is over.” She’s walking away from him and has already passed the Washington Monument when she hears him, “It was good to see you Kat.” Lifting her right hand up she flips him off without looking back. 

Walking home there’s only one thought running through her head, what have I gone and got myself into now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack honestly has no idea who is a student and who is a guest anymore. The number of civilians who come and try to see if he’ll share any information has been steadily increasing. Sometimes he forgets that he isn’t just Jack Ryan anymore. Instead he’s Jack Ryan, the CIA analyst who stopped Suleiman and helped save democracy in Venezuela all while exposing a corrupt U.S. senator.
> 
> And sometimes, he wishes his life was that simple again.

The first few times Jack saw her in class, he assumed she was a friend of one of the students. He thought he overheard someone call her Katherine when he was leaving last week, but he can’t be sure. While he doesn’t know all of them, before the Venezuelan incident he had a pretty good idea of who his students were. 

Now he honestly has no idea who is a student and who is a guest anymore. The number of civilians who come and try to see if he’ll share any information has been steadily increasing. Sometimes he forgets that he isn’t just Jack Ryan anymore. Instead he’s Jack Ryan, the CIA analyst who stopped Suleiman and helped save democracy in Venezuela all while exposing a corrupt U.S. senator. 

And sometimes, he wishes his life was that simple again.

“Alright,” he says, walking across the platform, “A couple weeks ago I told you that the question will always be with what lens are you watching the news. Now I’m telling you that's only a part of it.” 

Looking out into the sea of students he finds that almost every eye is on him, with a few glancing down at their notebooks, “What’s the second part?”

He watches as they start to glance towards one another, no one making a move to speak. Silence fills the auditorium, except for the occasional scuffle of shoes and a couple of coughs. 

“Being an analyst in the CIA means making the connections. So, what is the second part?” Rocking back on his heels, he turns to head towards his desk. 

“Whose information you trust.” The voice rings clearly throughout the room and Jack’s eyes search through the room.

“Can whoever said that stand up and repeat the answer, please.”

A minute passes and then he sees movement. Standing in the very back of the auditorium, Katherine is standing. Crossing her arms across her chest, she says, “Whose information you trust.”

“Care to expand on that?” Walking toward the bottom of the left aisle, he looks towards her with an eyebrow raised expectedly. 

“You can’t accept any information blindly. Whether it be what you hear on the news or what an informant tells you.”

“And why not?” He can tell she’s uncomfortable now. Her eyes are shifting around, taking in how everyone’s watching her now. “Hey,” her eyes come back to his, and once he knows he has her attention he repeats the question “why not?”

He watches as she takes a breath to settle herself.   
“Because information can be manipulated, and people will distort the truth if it benefits them. Take Venezuela for example, a well timed photo and a dead American solider in the jungle and Reyes had the people believing in mere minutes that the United States had rigged the election. And they believed it, ignoring everything else he had ever done.”

“What’s the problem with that?” Jack counters.

“People start making assumptions with only part of the information,” a different student shouts out now. Moving over to the right side of the room, he notices from the corner of his eye that Katherine’s taken her seat again and is leaning back in the chair. 

“So? What happens when you make assumptions?” Taking his hands out of his pockets, Jack looks around the room. “Come on guys, your friend in the back already did the hard part. Let’s wrap this up, I have plans after this.” 

A mixture of chuckles and laughs fill the auditorium and Jack can’t help put grin with them. “When you make assumptions, you’re more likely to make mistakes.” Jack doesn’t have to look to the back of the room to know it was her again, but he does. Bag slung over her left shoulder, Katherine’s standing in the doorway now in preparation to leave.

Their eyes meet and they hold one another’s gaze, until at last he looks away. 

“Alright,” Jack claps his hands together, “class is dismissed. I’ll see you all on Friday and I expect you to be a lot more talkative then.” The room is instantly filled with noise as students reach for their bags and start talking amongst themselves. Jack reaches for his messenger bag and tosses his own notes in; adjusting the strap across his shoulder, he moves past the cluster of students that have gather by the door. 

Jack steps out into the open walkway and heads towards one of the restaurants a few blocks away from Langley’s campus.

Opening the door, Jack locks eyes with his friend. “It’s about damn time,” Greer says in greeting, “What happened to ‘I’ll meet you there at one’ ?” Slipping his bag off his shoulder, Jack places it next to the empty seat across the table from Greer.

“Sorry, seems no one wanted to participate today so it dragged on.” Glancing at the menu on the table he’s narrowed his order down to two choices when he hears Greer snort. 

“Yeah, more like no one wanted to be told they were wrong by the great Jack Ryan.” Leaning back in his chair, Jack opens his mouth to reply when the waitress stops at their table. Putting their conversation on hold, they give her their order and wait until she’s out of range to start again.

“It’s not about being wrong or right, it’s about starting to see how things fit together now before they’re doing it full-time. If they aren’t going to speak up in class then they’ll never do it in a meeting.” 

Greer shakes his head at that, “If those kids turn out anything like you, they won’t know when to shut up.” 

Jack laughs, “I think its safe to say its a good thing that I don’t. How’s the desk job going? Ready to beat your computer into submission yet?” 

“Don’t tempt me,” Greer pauses to take a sip of water, ”It’s fine, an adjustment obviously but it was the right decision.” 

“Heard anything interesting yet?” 

Greer sets the glass back down, “Not yet, just the usual chatter. But I’ll be sure to let you know if something comes up.” The waitress reappears with their food and sets the plates down. “Need anything else?” “No, I think we’re good,” Jack answers, glancing at Greer. “We’re good, thank you.” He affirms, taking his silverware out.

“Alright, well you boys enjoy.” Taking his own silverware out, Jack watches as she walks off. “So, what about you?” 

“What about me?” “Have you heard anything recently?” Greer clarifies as he cuts into his steak. “No, why? Already wanting to get back in the field with me?” Jack asks, popping a fry into his mouth. “Yes and no, I wouldn’t mind working in an office somewhere else if you happened to hear anything and wanted back-up.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” They eat their meals in a mixture of silence and meaningless chatter now. Both of their schedules have been a bit hectic since returning to the States, so it’s nice that they were able to check in today. While Jack may not want to work day-in and day-out with Greer, he also finds himself missing the other man’s presence unexpectedly at times.

“I’m going to go square us up,” Greer says throwing his napkin on his plate, Jack is preparing to interject when Greer holds his hand up, “Don’t argue. Just accept it and say thank you.” 

“Thank you,” Jack says reaching for his water, as Greer gets up to pay. Glancing around the restaurant, he doesn’t see anyone he recognizes. Putting his glass back down on the table, he takes out his phone out to look through some emails.

Jack is in the middle of reading a remainder about a meeting with Mike later this week when he hears the door to the restaurant open. 

“I’m not saying not to do it, I’m saying to consider the ramifications. Everything will be fine for a couple of weeks, a few months at the most, and then you guys will get into another fight and you’ll want to get a divorce...again.” Recognizing the voice, Jack looks up and watches as Katherine walks up to the to-go counter across from where Greer is currently paying.

She shifts her left shoulder slightly to adjust her phone’s position so that it is tighter against her ear and tells the cashier, "To-go for Katherine Evans." He watches as the cashier finds her order on the screen and tells her the total.

The right sleeve of her violet sweater starts slowly sliding off her shoulder from the weight of her purse as she begins digging through it. From where he’s sitting Jack can make out a jagged pink line that starts near the top and goes down at an angle, until it is once again covered by the sweater. 

“Where’d I put my wallet? I’m going to have to call you back, Li.” Moving over to the side, she places the phone face down on the bar of the counter and resumes searching through her purse.

Hearing her curse under her breath, Jack grabs his bag and pulls his wallet out of the front pocket. “I got hers,” he says, pointing toward Katherine as he comes up to stand next to her. “That isn’t necessary,” she counters, shaking her head at the cashier.

“I insist,” handing his credit card to the cashier, he glances over at her, “Consider it a ‘thank you’. If you hadn’t said anything earlier we’d still be in class now.”

Katherine narrows her eyes at him in response. “You appreciate when someone makes a fool of themselves?” “I appreciate when people take a chance, even when they could be wrong.” Taking his card back from the cashier, another waitress hands Katherine her order across the counter in a to-go bag.

Giving the waitress her thanks, Katherine turns and heads towards the door. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell the other students about this, I can’t afford to buy lunch for every student that participates.” He watches as she pauses halfway out the door. 

“Not to worry Dr. Ryan,” she’s looking over her shoulder at him with a smirk on her lips, “I’m not a student.” With that Jack watches as the door shuts behind her and she blends in with the bustling passerby’s.

“What was that about, bright boy?” Greer coming up from behind Ryan gestures to the door. “Nothing,” he replies shrugging his shoulders, “we good here?" “Yeah, we’re good. You’ll keep what I said in mind?”

“Of course." Once they step outside the two part ways and Jack heads on to his next appointment.

Returning home after his gym (and unplanned rowing) session, Jack puts his keys and phone on the kitchen counter before proceeding to pull his jacket off. He searches through the fridge and decides on the leftover casserole from the night before, and dishes some out onto a plate.

He sticks it in the microwave and sets it on the reheating option. Putting the dish back in the fridge he makes a mental note that he’ll need to go to the store soon and shuts the door. He glances at the time on the microwave, then reaches for his phone and starts scrolling through his contacts.

His finger hovers over the name and he internally debates if he should go through with this or not. The microwave dings in the background and Jack makes up his mind. Bringing the phone up to his ear the line rings for a few minutes before the other end picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Xander, it’s Jack." 

"Hey man, what’s up?"

Moving back over to the microwave, he takes out the plate and shuts the door. "If I, uh, gave you a name, would you be able to pull someone’s dossier?" He moves his phone so that it’s resting in between his left shoulder and his ear.

"That depends, is this an official request or a favor?" "Favor," Jack clarifies reaching for silverware, "And if there isn’t a dossier, can you just send me whatever you find?" "Yeah, hold on a second."

He hears a chair being pushed back in the background followed by the whir of a computer being turned on. "Alright, what’s the name?" "Katherine Evans." He scoops part of the casserole onto his fork and takes a bite as Xander types in the background.

Take another bite of the casserole, he hears Xander’s fingers tapping against a table, then nothing. "I found something, just hold on a second...alright, I found her dossier. Only issue is there’s not much in it you can read, someone classified the shit out of this."

"Can you go ahead and send it to me?" Scraping the last bit of food onto his fork, Jack finishes it off and places the plate in the sink. "Yup, there you go man." His phone chimes and he pulls it away from his ear to look at it. His screen shows a new email entitled Evans - Dossier.

"Thanks man, I appreciate it." 

"No problem, have a good night."

"You too."

Hanging up he looks at the time, it’s a few minutes till 9. He really needs to take a shower, but at the same time his curiosity about Katherine is pushing him towards reading the dossier now instead of later. Moving to the living room, he takes a seat on the couch and reaches for his laptop on the coffee table.

Turning it on, Jack goes to his emails and finds the most recent one from Xander. He hesitantly opens it and clicks on the attachment. 

His screen is instantly covered with multiple newspaper articles, blacked out intelligence documents, and various photos of Evans. Some are of her in official military dress while others appear to have been taken in a civilian setting.

Moving the intelligence documents and photos to the side, Jack pulls the first newspaper article to the front and begins to read.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack appears in her mind again, from when she had left the restaurant. Left hand tucked into his slack pocket while the other was holding on to his bag’s strap, he had looked at her as if she was an enigma. And she was one that he looked forward to solving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to about_the_rabbits for proofreading and listening to my various ideas throughout the week. You're the real MVP!

Katherine is polishing off her cheeseburger and people-watching at the park when someone sits by her on the bench. “That looked good.” Keeping her face impassive, she crumbles the wrapper up. She leans back and crosses her legs.

“What are you doing here?”

“I can’t check on a friend?” Jameet asks, looking out straight ahead. 

“You aren't checking on a friend right now, you’re checking to see if Ryan’s mentioned anything of interest yet. Which he hasn’t.”

“You sure about that?” 

Katherine resists the urge to roll her eyes, “Considering that I’ve been attending his class for weeks now and he’s only covered basic intelligence and espionage concepts, I think it is safe to say that Ryan hasn't uncovered any new conspiracies lately.” 

“Alright, but don’t let yourself get too comfortable, Kat. Never know when all hell’s gonna break loose.” She doesn’t watch as Jameet gets up and walks away, too unnerved by what he’s said. 

While Katherine knows things tend to blow up in their face more often than not, the way that he said it disturbs her. Almost as if he knows something that she doesn’t. But, that's impossible, because if Jameet knew something he would tell her….wouldn’t he?

Katherine likes Jameet. When they first met, she tolerated him but over time he became one of her closest friends and confidants. However, he can also throw her off in the worst of ways.

Today is no exception. She walks around aimlessly for hours after he leaves before heading home. She’s mentally tired and drained from trying to figure out what he meant by his comment. 

While he may act as though he’s concerned about Ryan’s welfare, Katherine prides herself on being able to read between the lines with Jameet. While she may not know what his deal with Ryan is, she knows he’s not operating solely out of concern for him; Jameet has something to benefit from here.

She climbs up the steps to her apartment and pulls out her keys, unlocking the door. While the one-bedroom one-bathroom apartment isn’t much, it’s perfect for what she needs right now and helps keep her personal items to a minimum. 

Throwing her keys on the kitchen counter, she takes her phone out to see a new message from Jameet glaring at her through the screen. She decides to read it later and puts it face down next to the keys before trying to clear her mind.   
But Jameet’s words from their discussion run through her mind on a continuous loop, “Never know when all hell’s gonna break loose.”

Her hands grip the edge of the island’s counter top as she bends at the waist to rest her forehead on the cool granite. Taking a few moments to just rest in the silence, she pulls herself together and glances over to the pile of mail that has been steadily growing at the end of the counter. 

Convinced if she manages to keep herself busy throughout the remainder of the day she might actually sleep through the night, she starts cleaning.

She starts by sorting through the pile of mail and tossing the junk; then she proceeds to fold the laundry that has been sitting on the couch for the past week. After putting it away, she puts a new load of laundry in, cleans out the fridge, and washes the dishes that have piled in the sink. 

But it keeps running through her head, over and over, no matter how hard she tries to block it out, “all hell’s gonna break loose”.

Upon hearing the rhythmic thump-thump-thump-thump of the washer stop, she makes her way to the laundry room and throws her wet clothes into the dryer before turning it on. Deciding to take a shower, Katherine heads down the hallway and goes into the bathroom. 

She then proceeds to start taking her clothes off; the Katherine looking back at her in the mirror isn’t one she recognizes. 

Her dark eyes once vibrant with life are now dull from living in a constant state of exhaustion; the dark circles underneath making her light skin look even paler in comparison. Hair falling into her face, she pushes it behind her ears as she turns around and reaches to turn on the shower. 

She yanks the handle up to the hottest setting, then leans down to add her discarded socks and underwear to the pile she has made in the corner. Unhooking her bra, she tosses it over as well. Looking down, she rubs slightly below her left collarbone where a jagged scar runs from midpoint down to the top of her armpit. 

While this isn’t the worse scar she has, it tends to hurt more than the others at times. It hasn’t flared up in a while but now it feels like the knife is still embedded in it, with one of her captors twisting it in just a little deeper. 

As steam begins to fill the room, Katherine steps into the shower and finds her thoughts going back to Jack’s class today.

Just like she told Jameet, everything he’s discussed up to this last class has been basic information that up and coming agents need to know if they want to make it in this job; however, that doesn’t mean that Ryan hasn’t found anything new yet. It just means he may not want to share it with anyone. 

And considering everything she read previously in his dossier, that would make sense. Most agents are prideful, and want instant recognition and gratification for their accomplishments. But based on how Jack’s handled these past two incidents and how he carries himself in class, he is the exact opposite of those agents. He’s humble about what he’s accomplished and truly does want to do the right thing; unlike others that only want to do what benefits themselves.

Katherine washes her hair and then proceeds to wash off quickly. Turning the shower off, she opens the door and grabs her towel. She quickly dries off before wrapping the towel around her body and heading to her bedroom. 

She grabs a pair of sweatpants and a worn out t-shirt, and lets the towel fall as she changes. Picking up the towel, she bends at the waist and proceeds to wrap her hair in it. Once she’s situated it the way she wants, she slips into the sweatpants.

Katherine looks around the room and spots her laptop buried underneath her comforter. She grabs it and heads to the kitchen. Placing the laptop on the island, she takes a seat and turns it on. After logging on, she reaches for her phone. 

She goes to the Recent Calls section and clicks on the latest one. 

"Hey." 

"Hey," Lisa Calabrese’s voice fills the room as Katherine puts her on speaker. 

"Sorry I had to let you go earlier, I couldn’t find my wallet and I didn’t want to hold up the line any longer than I had to."

"It’s fine, you found your wallet though?" "Yeah, but not while I was at the register." 

Pulling up her messages on her laptop, Katherine hovers her mouse over the one from Jameet. 

"How’d you pay then?"

Internally debating if she should click on it or not, she answers Lisa, "Someone at the restaurant came up and paid for me."

"Was it someone you know?" 

"Mmmm yeah, it was, uh, one of the guys from the class I’ve been sitting in on." Katherine already knows what Lisa is going to say next.

"Really? Is he attractive?" Katherine laughs and tries to fight the small smile she can feel forming on her face. Her mind fills with images of Ryan, both from his dossier and lecture. 

She pictures how he looked when she left class this afternoon; the way he had looked at her from underneath his eyelashes and the smile that had played at the edge of his lips.

And the momentary satisfaction she had felt at it being because of her.

"Do you remember Kyle Scott from Georgetown?" She hears a couple of crunching sounds before Lisa replies,"Yeah."

"He’s hotter." "Damn," crunches fill the silence between them again, "You should ask him out for drinks as a thank you." Sighing, Katherine pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Lisa."

"No, just hear me out Kat," Lisa interjects instantly knowing what Katherine’s going to say. "The last time you went on a date was almost 2 years ago. And that time was because I practically begged you to do it."

"Yeah, and your friend Mark from the embassy turned out to be an asshole." 

Getting out of her chair, Katherine goes over to the cabinet above the sink and pulls out a bottle of white wine. "I said I was sorry. How was I supposed to know he was self obsessed and egotistical?" 

After grabbing a wine glass, she reaches for the cork screw in the utensils drawer. "I don’t know.....maybe by actually spending more than five minutes with him before setting us up on a blind date?" 

"You’re right and I’m sorry. This guy doesn’t sound like an asshole though."

Opening the bottle, Katherine pours herself a considerable amount. She swirls the wine in the glass as she considers the statement, taking a small sip. "No, he’s not. Even though it would make sense."

"Why?" 

While Jack did the right thing in Venezuela, as the U.S. ambassador it was such a shit show for Lisa; as such, it’s probably best she doesn’t mention Jack’s name or his accomplishments. 

"He’s a good agent and unlike the rest of them, his hunches are typically right. He isn’t egotistical or prideful about it though. He’s humble." Katherine puts her glass down on the island to take her hair out of the towel wrap. "So what’s the problem then?" 

She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs. "I......it’s too complicated.” Taking another sip of the wine, she rocks back and forth on her heels.

"Going out on a date or for drinks doesn’t mean you’re marrying the guy Kat. You’re just going out for fun. Can you honestly tell me you aren’t the least bit interested?"

Jack appears in her mind again, from when she had left the restaurant. Left hand tucked into his slack pocket while the other was holding on to his bag’s strap, he had looked at her as if she was an enigma. And she was one that he looked forward to solving.

She takes a gulp of wine before answering, "I’ll consider it, but I expect details later about where the hell you and Mike are in your relationship." 

Lisa’s response is immediate, "Done. I’ll talk to you later this week?"

"Of course, bye." 

After Lisa hangs up, Katherine heads to the laundry room to get the load out of the dryer. She carries it into the living room and dumps it on to the couch. Grabbing the remote and turning the tv on to the news she set to record earlier in the evening, Katherine sets it to play.

Setting the volume to low, she reaches for a pair of jeans and starts folding. She alternates between actively watching the news and folding her clothes in intervals and is about to finish when something scrolling across the bottom of the screen catches her eye. She turns the volume up and rewinds to the beginning of the story. 

‘Berlin Intelligence Office Compromised’ scrolls across the reel at the bottom again. Decimated buildings located on the outskirts of the city fill the screen as an anchor stands in front of the wreckage. “Little is known currently, but authorities believe that this attack occurred earlier in the week. This catastrophe event was unknown of until now since these offices are located outside of the city, and would not have been discovered had one of the agents currently unaccounted for not missed a meeting within the city this morning. That combined with previous missing persons reported over the week by several families led the police to the site.”

Katherine can no longer keep her attention on the anchor. She finds herself thinking back to when Jameet approached her a few weeks ago; Jameet said the team was in Berlin when he got word about Ryan and came to tell her. She mentally runs through their conversation from this afternoon again. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I can’t check on a friend?”. “You aren't checking on a friend right now, you’re checking to see if Ryan’s mentioned anything of interest yet. Which he hasn’t.”

“You sure about that?” “Considering that I’ve been attending his class for weeks now and he’s only covered basic intelligence and espionage concepts, I think it is safe to say that Ryan hasn't uncovered any new conspiracies lately.” 

“Alright, but don’t let yourself get too comfortable Kat. Never know when all hell’s gonna break loose.”

All this time she has been under the impression that the team had came back from Berlin with Jameet and been reassigned. But what if they hadn’t? What if they had been there this whole time and Jameet had just been coming back every few weeks to check on her?

Swearing, Katherine runs over to the kitchen island and starts pulling up various news outlets’ websites on her laptop to see what else everyone is reporting. Upon seeing that no one has any more information yet, she pulls up one of her work folders and starts going through the official reports from previous missions. As she scans through them, she begins to notice a pattern. While it’s been spread across different reports at various times, its apparent when the reports are on her screen side by side. 

“Shit.” 12:37 AM glares at her from the upper right corner of the screen and Katherine tries to think about what she needs to do next. Minimizing all of the reports, she goes back to the message she never opened from Jameet. 

‘Get closer to Ryan’.

Re-reading the message, she tries to put a timeline together in her head; Syria happened 6 months ago and she’s been stateside for almost 4 months now. Jameet approached her 8 weeks ago and asked her to keep an eye on Ryan, claiming that dangerous individuals were targeting Ryan for uncovering the conspiracy that Cinco Palmas was used by President Reyes to kill Senator Monroe because they provided half of the funds to create the shell company. But looking back now, it doesn’t make sense.

She’s been attending his lectures since Jameet met with her and Jack is thorough in everything he does. When he was looking into Cinco Palmas, he would have found that the shell company was being funded by a third party. 

Which means that it never was…………Jack is meant to be the diversion. 

Katherine reaches for the bottle of wine she left on the counter and takes a large swig. She takes a few deep breaths as she thinks about what her next move needs to be. Making up her mind, Katherine closes her laptop and puts the bottle of wine in the fridge. While there is no chance she’s getting any sleep tonight at this point, the least she can do is lie on the couch as she watches what’s left of the news and prepare herself for the hell that is going to break loose tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The words come out before Katherine can think about the consequences, “I’m sorry.”
> 
> Jack looks taken aback. “What?” 
> 
> “I’m sorry that I didn’t take my own advice from your class. I’m sorry that I put my faith in someone who I thought was my friend, and that I relied on his information. Because of that, not only have I put your life in danger but countless others. And I’m sorry that I’m here now asking for your help to stop him, but I don’t know who else I can trust.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to update guys, I didn't have much free time to write until recently. As a thank you for your patience, I wanted to let you know that I'm halfway through writing the 5th chapter of I've Got Issues and the first chapter of a new Jack Ryan fanfic that will be entitled Church. I plan to have them both up by the end of the week. 
> 
> But until then, enjoy this chapter! :)

The slight concern Jack started feeling halfway through his lecture begins to increase as he dismisses the class. His eyes glance around the room, hoping to see Katherine amongst the throng of students that are quickly departing. When Jack hadn’t seen her in her usual seat, he had written it off as her running behind and coming in late. He initially wrote it off since Katherine had done so once or twice before. But he began to get concerned when he was halfway through the lecture and still hadn’t seen her.

Not seeing Katherine within the small group of students still remaining, Jack reaches for the messenger bag on his desk. He’s beginning to wonder if texting the number included in her dossier is a step too far when he hears footsteps behind him. Turning around, he’s face-to-face with Katherine. 

“Dr. Ryan, are you free right now?” 

Jack quickly takes in Katherine’s appearance as he considers the question; her body language is typically loose and gives off the appearance of being carefree, but currently she looks tense. Katherine acts as if the slightest movement or wrong word will cause her to attack, like an animal in self-defense. 

“Yes. Are you alright?” 

He watches as Katherine looks around the room and her eyes stay on the students still talking in the upper corner. Her head tilts back to him, “No, and I don’t think any of us are.” 

Noticing the way that she’s holding her bag closer and tighter than normally, Jack realizes that something is seriously wrong. “Where do you want to go?” 

Katherine steps closer, now in his personal space. With virtually no distance between them and her head practically tucked into his neck, he can barely hear her whisper over the sudden swell of desire that fills him. “Somewhere without cameras preferably and where it gives off the appearance of us being...alone, if possible.” 

“Are we actually going to be alone?” Jack whispers back into her ear and watches as she pulls back slightly. He finds himself missing the brief contact between them instantly. 

“No.” Katherine turns and begins to leave the auditorium. Adjusting his strap, Jack walks quickly to catch up with her on the steps. As they step out into the open walkway together, Katherine and Jack move so they are walking in between two large clusters of students. “You need to call Greer and ask him to meet us at your place.” Realizing that Katherine positioned them here to give them the ability to speak freely, he responds. 

“Why? And what am I supposed to tell him?”   
“Going to your place gives off an appearance that anyone who may be watching wouldn’t be suspicious of. And you can tell Greer that you found something that just might cripple the nation if we don’t handle it quickly. Because it will.” 

Katherine comes to a stop as she says the last sentence, turning to look at him directly. Her eyes have become focused and sure as they’ve walked, the slight panic in them earlier dying and being replaced with a steely look of determination. Students begin to move and navigate around them as they stand in the middle of the walkway. 

“What appearance?”

“Excuse me?” 

“What appearance are you implying that we need to give off that wouldn’t be suspicious to anyone watching.” 

They hold one another’s gaze for a minute until Katherine looks over his shoulder towards the fountain behind him. 

“A credible source informed me that you might be in danger because of Venezuela. So as a favor to this individual, I started attending your lectures to make sure you hadn’t uncovered anything new and put yourself in danger.” 

Her eyes meet his again and she continues to watch his face for a reaction before she continues, “Yesterday I received a message stating that I need to get closer to you to ensure your safety. But I also became aware of some new distressing information. So, in order for us to safely discuss the issue, we need to do so at your place so it can appear as though we are being “intimate”.” 

Anger flashes through Jack at her confession, which gives way to resentment. Facing her in the silence that has undertaken them, Jack begins to see things through a more understanding lens. 

If Katherine truly wanted to manipulate him, then she wouldn’t have told him any of this now. She would have toyed with him and strung him along instead of being upfront, waiting to tell him until it benefitted her and consequently threw him off kilter. 

“Okay.” Jack states, and he watches as Katherine’s body language becomes slightly looser at the sound. Stepping into her personal space, Katherine has to look up slightly to meet his eyes, “But we do this part my way.” 

The edge of Katherine’s lips lift up slightly, starting to form a smirk. 

“Of course.” 

Jack hesitates a moment before slinging his arm around her shoulder. Katherine leans into his side and they resuming walking amongst the crowd. As they exit the Langley area, Jack’s grip on her shoulder tightens slightly as they begin walking towards his apartment. He notices whenever they are passing stores or areas that have cameras nearby, she tucks her face into his side slightly, as if to conceal it from the cameras.

Once they make it to his apartment, Jack digs his keys out and unlocks the door. Gesturing for her to go in first, Katherine does and he closes the door behind him once he’s inside. Katherine hears Jack locking the door behind her as she takes in his apartment. His apartment appears to have a similar layout to hers; one bedroom, one bathroom. Currently standing in the foyer area she can clearly see the kitchen to her right and the living room to her left. 

“Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on now?” Turning around to face Jack, Katherine takes in his body language. While he is able to keep his face impassive, she knows inside he is livid at being played by her. 

The words come out before Katherine can think about the consequences, “I’m sorry.”

Jack looks taken aback. “What?” 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t take my own advice from your class. I’m sorry that I put my faith in someone who I thought was my friend, and that I relied on his information. Because of that, not only have I put your life in danger but countless others. And I’m sorry that I’m here now asking for your help to stop him, but I don’t know who else I can trust.”

“Why me?”

Katherine thinks back to what she told Lisa on the phone yesterday, “You want to do the right thing; unlike others that only seek to do what benefits themselves. And that tells me that you would be willing to run straight into the fray and risk everything if you thought it would save even just one person, because that is who you are.”

She watches as he uncrosses his arms and sighs. Walking past her, Jack tosses his messenger bag on the kitchen counter and leans back against it. 

“And you’re not?” 

“Not what?”   
“A good person?” Jack clarifies, his eyes searching hers; looking for an answer within them. 

Katherine walks away from him, towards some of the photos he has framed in the living room. Pausing to look at the ones of a younger Jack with his parents, she considers her answer. 

“You’ve read my dossier, and don’t bother to deny it,” Katherine states when she senses that Jack is about to interject, “ Due to the sensitivity of some of my previous missions, I’m made aware of whenever someone looks it up in the system. So I know your friend Xander accessed it and sent it to you.”

She takes a breath before continuing, “There’s a lot in it you can’t read, but I know that you probably have seen a pattern within it. I’ve done a lot of questionable things for my country, most of them are why I don’t sleep at night. But my greatest failure is what happened at Syria.”

In order for everyone to make it out of this alive over the next few days, Ryan has to truly trust her. And to gain his trust, Katherine has to lay herself bare before him. Turning around to face him, she tries to find the words to convey the shame and guilt that have been consuming her. 

“The report from my mission in Syria six months ago isn’t included in my dossier and I thought it was because of how much of a shit show it truly was. But in light of what I recently started piecing together, I think it was purposefully meant for it to go that way.” 

She watches as a look of confusion crosses Jack’s face and takes a deep breath before continuing. 

“My CO told us that we were asked to partake in a search and rescue mission for a humanitarian group that disappeared while providing educational assistance to children within a local village. The intel we were provided suggested that the militias from a few different villages had recently banded together to form one large group in an effort to keep out invaders. We decided that I would go in and be our eyes and ears on the ground, and the boys would stay at the main base and guide me out if something went wrong.

We arrive at the base a couple of days later and I’m provided with clothing and filled in on how the locals act in order to blend in as well as possible. The other team that was already on site stayed in the village with one of the families whose children had been receiving aid, while I stayed with a different one. After a week passes with no new information I start getting antsy. I call back in and I tell them something feels off but my CO tells me to wait a little longer, that at some point we’ll get a break. So, I stayed,” Katherine pauses, biting on her lower lip, “despite my instincts telling me we were chasing a dead end and that we needed to move on somewhere else.”

“What happened?” Jack asks, his body language getting looser as she’s talked. 

“A few days later, I’m on the roof of my family’s home and I see these kids that tend to walk through the village at the same time every day. And everything seems normal, the little girl is wearing a scarf sling to carry her baby doll in and her older brother is walking ahead of her like usual; except he’s wearing a backpack. And the entire time I’ve been there I have never seen any of the children in the village with a backpack. When I first arrived I saw the children carrying everything they had received from the volunteers in their arms, or by making slings like the girl has.

So now, I have to make a judgment call, is his backpack legitimate or is he going to set off an IED and take out the tactical team that is currently doing sweeps throughout the village. By the time he gets closer to the roof I’m on, I’ve made my decision. I take a shot and he falls to the ground with a GSW to the forehead. 

And minutes later, a bomb goes off.”

Katherine looks down at the ground, unable to meet Jack’s eyes. Despite how many times she’s discussed it in briefings and with her therapist, she feels her eyes begin to water involuntarily at the memory.

“The IED wasn’t in the boy’s backpack….it was in the little girl’s sling. Her father made her put it in the sling instead of her baby doll that day, while her mother was out. So not only did the team I was supposed to be assisting die, I killed an innocent boy in the process because I didn’t account for all the information being presented. I made assumptions and because of that people died. That will haunt me for the rest of my life.” 

She brushes the few tears that have fallen off of her face with the back of her hand and lifts her head to meet Jack’s eyes. Katherine had expected anger, judgment or hatred to fill his face; instead, Jack’s eyes reflect acceptance and understanding.

“It wasn’t your fault.” 

Katherine lets out a bitter chuckle at his statement. “Really? So whose fault is it then? Because last I checked, I am the one who made the call and shot that boy. And people still died.” 

Jack pushes off from where he’s been leaning on the counter and approaches her, stopping when there are only inches between them. 

“You made the best decision you could with the information you had. And if I were in your position, I would have made the same decision. Believe me Katherine, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes in the field.”

“Don’t,” Katherine interrupts, knowing where Jack is heading now, “You don’t need to tell me about Afghanistan. I don’t want you to tell me because you want me to feel better or because you feel like I can relate to you. I want you to tell me when you trust me and only then.” Jack looks surprised at the request, but stops nevertheless.

“What else happened in Syria?” Her mind wanders to the unspeakable aftermath; of the village men who found her underneath the rubble of the home she had been standing on and how scars will forever mar her body now.

“I can’t Jack, not yet.” When Jack nods in affirmation she takes a grateful breath in, and lets it out slowly. 

He raises his hand up, and Katherine thinks he’s about to brush a piece of hair out of her face when a knock fills the room, breaking the moment between them. Jack goes to answer the door and she hears voices conversing lowly in the doorway before it stops and Jack lets the guest in. Jim Greer enters the foyer as Jack closes the door and relocks it again. 

“You again.” Greer states, stepping into the living room where Katherine is still standing by the couch. “Again?” Katherine asks and tries to think of when she would have ever been in the same room as James Greer, “Oh, you were at the restaurant with Jack.” 

“Yes, so what’s your story?” 

Katherine meets Jack’s eyes over Greer’s shoulder. “I’ll let you know what we’re dealing with momentarily, we’re still waiting on someone to get here.” She watches as Greer turns to look at Jack and notes that they both have the same eerily calm expression on their faces even though they are clearly anything but relaxed at her statement.

“You told me to ask Greer to meet us here.” 

“Yes, because I didn’t have his number. But when I knew we were going to your apartment I went ahead and texted the other because we need their input as well.” Katherine can practically see the wheels turning in Greer and Jack’s minds, trying to determine who else is coming. But they don’t get to consider it for long before another knock fills the room. 

Katherine brushes past Greer and Ryan to the front door. Unlocking it, she opens it just enough to see who is standing on the doorstep. 

“My life was a lot simpler before you were in it, you know that right?”

A smile breaks across Katherine’s face at the familiar statement. “Yeah, I know. But it wouldn’t be as fun though would it?”   
Mike November chuckles softly at her rebuttal and she opens the door fully so he can step in. 

“Mike?” Stepping into the foyer, Greer and Jack look taken aback with the appearance of her guest. 

“Hey guys.” Mike salutes them with bottle of vodka he’s brought before Katherine steals it from him. 

She carries it over to the counter and rummages through Ryan’s cabinets until she finds four tumblers and sets them out on to the counter beside the vodka. “What are you doing here?” She hears Greer ask as she pours them each out a good amount. 

“Katherine called and asked me to come, I figured it must be pretty dire if she was meeting here with you too.” 

“I thought we made your life hell.” 

“Oh you did,” Mike counters, “But Katherine has been doing that long before I met you two idiots.” 

“Hey, I’ve made your life better.” Katherine corrects, bringing each of them their drink before going back to grab her own. 

“So why did you ask all of us to meet?” Jack asks, reminding everyone why they’ve came together tonight. 

Katherine takes a gulp of her drink, downing half of it in one swallow. The vodka burns going down and it leaves a slight aftertaste in her mouth. 

“Has anyone heard of Operation Verity before?”

Being met with blank stares, Katherine mentally resolves herself for a long night.


End file.
